Official Civil War Brigade Silent Football By-Laws
Silent Football By-Laws Download
The Civil War Brigade's Official Silent Football By-laws
Description:
Silent football is game that is neither silent nor involves football. It is a contest of parliamentary procedure, discipline, and creativity. It may be played by three or more people sitting in a circle. The players pass an imaginary football around the circle through a series of pre-determined body gestures. Players are penalized for failure to adhere to proper procedure. Once the game has begun players exist in what scientists call a "Closed Universe". Only the people & events of the Game Universe are real.
Objective:
The objective of the game is to simply have fun in a creative manner. Players who obtain three strikes (penance points) for violation of proper procedure must perform an embarrassing task that is determined by the rest of the players. Play will continue until only two players are left with less than three strikes.
Roles:
All titles, phrases, and terminology are discretionary and may be altered by group consent.
The Gamemaster is the overseer of the game. The Gamemaster will participate in the game universe but is not subjected to strikes or penance. All decisions of the Gamemaster are final. The Gamemaster will do a majority of the talking, interpret all rules and make all decisions of a judgmental nature.
All Gameplayers are considered equal. Gameplayers must keep their feet crossed at all times and never show their teeth, except while talking. All Gameplayers are expected to follow proper procedure at all times: this includes both physical actions and speech. Gameplayers have a civic duty to assist with adherence to the rules by informing the GameUniverse of offenses of proper procedure.
Gameplay:
Once players are situated properly the Gamemaster will explain the rules and clear up any misunderstandings. After this point, all mistakes are the responsibility of the Gameplayers. Each mistake acknowledged by the Gamemaster will result in a strike for that player.
(Optional) Gameplayers may take assumed identities to be used for the duration of the game.
Noises not associated with the game (IE, coughs, sneezes, hiccups, burps, etc.) must be accompanied by a loud whoop by the offending person.
Opening Play:
The Gamemaster signals the start of the game by stating "Customary Tip of the Hat" and tipping an imaginary hat to the Gameplayers. He then announces, “The forces of the Universe have finally aligned; the Game Universe is now closed.”
(Optional) He may also state "Hats off" which time all hats are removed and placed on one's lap for the duration of the game.
(Optional) The Gamemaster may follow with a group drink and toast.
Play begins when the Gamemaster makes the first fwap of the ball.
Offensive Moves:
The Fwap - A player may pass the football 1 to 3 players to their immediate left or right by slapping one's knees. This is known as the Fwap. The left hand slaps the left knee only, and the right slaps the right knee. Every slap of the knee moves the ball one player that direction. One slap on the right knee moves one space to the right, etc. The receiving player can then pass the ball onward or back to the original passer by the same procedure.
Remember the ancient proverb: A player may fwap a fwap but never fwap a fwapped fwap.
The Snark - A player may pass the football to a player at any point across the circle by using the Snark. A Snark is performed by putting your right hand by your right ear, and putting your nose in the crook of that elbow and pointing the elbow to another player.
As always, a player may snark a snark but never snark a snarked snark.
Defensive Moves:
The Jumjum - A player may block the attempt of another player to pass them the ball: the raising of one's shoulders. This movement effectively blocks either a Snark or a Fwap. The ball remains with the original passer.
As always, a player may Jumjum a Jumjum but never Jumjum a Jumjumed Jumjum.
The Boojum - A player can immediately pass the ball back to the previous passer. This is done by extending the right hand and smacking oneself on the forehead with your own palm. This is called a boojum. A boojum is considered to be the most dangerous of all movements in the Game Universe and is not to be used more than once per game per player. When considering the boojum, one must always remember the Golden Rule.
The Golden Rule
A player may Snark a Snark or Boojum a Boojum, but never Boojum a Snark or Snark a Boojum.
This divides the Game Universe by 0, which must be recognized by all players by loud yelling and potentially rolling on the ground. Breaking this rule will cause a player to be ejected from the Game Universe.
Tattling:
Any community is only as good as its members. It is no different in the Game Universe. Each Gameplayer is responsible for observing other Gameplayers and reporting procedural violations to the Gamemaster. As always, proper procedure must be followed.
Proper Tattling Procedure:
1) The Gameplayer must raise his or her right hand.
2) The Gamemaster announces, "The Gamemaster recognizes (Player’s Name).” The passing of the ball stops.
SPECIAL NOTE 1: The Gamemaster has the right to refuse to recognize any hand indefinitely.
SPECIAL NOTE 2: After The Gamemaster recognizes a player, this is the only time a player may show his or her teeth.
3) (Player name) states, "Mr. Gamemaster, sir, I would like to report that I observed (accused player) of (explains violation)."
4) The Gamemaster replies, "(Accused player) has been accused of (states violation). Is there a second?”
5) If another player seconds, proper speech must be used. "Mr. Gamemaster, sir, I second the motion."
6) If there is no second, game play continues. If there is a second, the Gamemaster announces whether or not a strike (penance point) has been awarded.
The Call of Nature
If a player must visit the restroom, that player may use the restroom signal: waving their raised hand. The Gamemaster will simply nod and that person can get up. At the Gamemaster's discretion, the player may or may not have to wait until the next round of Silent Football motion to rejoin the circle.
A player may also request to leave for a few moments. This may or may not be granted by the Gamemaster.
Forces Outside of the Game Universe
The game is limited to the people playing in the circle. If a player reacts to a person or thing outside of the circle, he is said to be reacting to hallucinations or poltergeists and will be awarded penance points. An exception to this rule is that if a hallucination enters the circle they may materialize, and players may ask Mr. Dictator to have something done about the intruders (commonly tickle and/or tackle said hallucination).
Food and drink are encouraged and considered to be part of the universe and are not hallucinations.
Random flailing motions are always allowed in the Game Universe (IE: Flail the arms while trying to get particularly annoying hallucinations to go away).
Penance
After the accumulation of 3 strikes (penance points), the Game Universe will discuss (using proper speech) a suitable action of penance of an embarrassing nature. Additional strikes will result in additional acts of penance of increasing levels of embarrassment.
If a chosen punishment is deemed too uncomfortable by the offending player, they may use their Golden Parachute and request another punishment.
Closing the Game Universe
When the population of the Game Universe reaches a state in which all but two of its number possess three or more strikes the Game may be brought to an end. The Game Universe may also be temporarily suspended. The Gamemaster will read the closing stanza from “The Hunting of the Snark”:
In the midst of the word he was trying to say
In the midst of his laughter and glee
He had softly and suddenly vanished away
For the Snark was a Boojum, you see.
This will realign the forces of the Game Universe and result in a cataclysmic event known as “Sine Die”.
However, this should not be done in haste for ending the game will cause the Game Universe to collapse upon itself and the players will disappear from the Game Universe and emerge in the outside universe inhabited by the afore mentioned hallucinations or poltergeists.
Description:
Silent football is game that is neither silent nor involves football. It is a contest of parliamentary procedure, discipline, and creativity. It may be played by three or more people sitting in a circle. The players pass an imaginary football around the circle through a series of pre-determined body gestures. Players are penalized for failure to adhere to proper procedure. Once the game has begun players exist in what scientists call a "Closed Universe". Only the people & events of the Game Universe are real.
Objective:
The objective of the game is to simply have fun in a creative manner. Players who obtain three strikes (penance points) for violation of proper procedure must perform an embarrassing task that is determined by the rest of the players. Play will continue until only two players are left with less than three strikes.
Roles:
All titles, phrases, and terminology are discretionary and may be altered by group consent.
The Gamemaster is the overseer of the game. The Gamemaster will participate in the game universe but is not subjected to strikes or penance. All decisions of the Gamemaster are final. The Gamemaster will do a majority of the talking, interpret all rules and make all decisions of a judgmental nature.
All Gameplayers are considered equal. Gameplayers must keep their feet crossed at all times and never show their teeth, except while talking. All Gameplayers are expected to follow proper procedure at all times: this includes both physical actions and speech. Gameplayers have a civic duty to assist with adherence to the rules by informing the GameUniverse of offenses of proper procedure.
Gameplay:
Once players are situated properly the Gamemaster will explain the rules and clear up any misunderstandings. After this point, all mistakes are the responsibility of the Gameplayers. Each mistake acknowledged by the Gamemaster will result in a strike for that player.
(Optional) Gameplayers may take assumed identities to be used for the duration of the game.
Noises not associated with the game (IE, coughs, sneezes, hiccups, burps, etc.) must be accompanied by a loud whoop by the offending person.
Opening Play:
The Gamemaster signals the start of the game by stating "Customary Tip of the Hat" and tipping an imaginary hat to the Gameplayers. He then announces, “The forces of the Universe have finally aligned; the Game Universe is now closed.”
(Optional) He may also state "Hats off" which time all hats are removed and placed on one's lap for the duration of the game.
(Optional) The Gamemaster may follow with a group drink and toast.
Play begins when the Gamemaster makes the first fwap of the ball.
Offensive Moves:
The Fwap - A player may pass the football 1 to 3 players to their immediate left or right by slapping one's knees. This is known as the Fwap. The left hand slaps the left knee only, and the right slaps the right knee. Every slap of the knee moves the ball one player that direction. One slap on the right knee moves one space to the right, etc. The receiving player can then pass the ball onward or back to the original passer by the same procedure.
Remember the ancient proverb: A player may fwap a fwap but never fwap a fwapped fwap.
The Snark - A player may pass the football to a player at any point across the circle by using the Snark. A Snark is performed by putting your right hand by your right ear, and putting your nose in the crook of that elbow and pointing the elbow to another player.
As always, a player may snark a snark but never snark a snarked snark.
Defensive Moves:
The Jumjum - A player may block the attempt of another player to pass them the ball: the raising of one's shoulders. This movement effectively blocks either a Snark or a Fwap. The ball remains with the original passer.
As always, a player may Jumjum a Jumjum but never Jumjum a Jumjumed Jumjum.
The Boojum - A player can immediately pass the ball back to the previous passer. This is done by extending the right hand and smacking oneself on the forehead with your own palm. This is called a boojum. A boojum is considered to be the most dangerous of all movements in the Game Universe and is not to be used more than once per game per player. When considering the boojum, one must always remember the Golden Rule.
The Golden Rule
A player may Snark a Snark or Boojum a Boojum, but never Boojum a Snark or Snark a Boojum.
This divides the Game Universe by 0, which must be recognized by all players by loud yelling and potentially rolling on the ground. Breaking this rule will cause a player to be ejected from the Game Universe.
Tattling:
Any community is only as good as its members. It is no different in the Game Universe. Each Gameplayer is responsible for observing other Gameplayers and reporting procedural violations to the Gamemaster. As always, proper procedure must be followed.
Proper Tattling Procedure:
1) The Gameplayer must raise his or her right hand.
2) The Gamemaster announces, "The Gamemaster recognizes (Player’s Name).” The passing of the ball stops.
SPECIAL NOTE 1: The Gamemaster has the right to refuse to recognize any hand indefinitely.
SPECIAL NOTE 2: After The Gamemaster recognizes a player, this is the only time a player may show his or her teeth.
3) (Player name) states, "Mr. Gamemaster, sir, I would like to report that I observed (accused player) of (explains violation)."
4) The Gamemaster replies, "(Accused player) has been accused of (states violation). Is there a second?”
5) If another player seconds, proper speech must be used. "Mr. Gamemaster, sir, I second the motion."
6) If there is no second, game play continues. If there is a second, the Gamemaster announces whether or not a strike (penance point) has been awarded.
The Call of Nature
If a player must visit the restroom, that player may use the restroom signal: waving their raised hand. The Gamemaster will simply nod and that person can get up. At the Gamemaster's discretion, the player may or may not have to wait until the next round of Silent Football motion to rejoin the circle.
A player may also request to leave for a few moments. This may or may not be granted by the Gamemaster.
Forces Outside of the Game Universe
The game is limited to the people playing in the circle. If a player reacts to a person or thing outside of the circle, he is said to be reacting to hallucinations or poltergeists and will be awarded penance points. An exception to this rule is that if a hallucination enters the circle they may materialize, and players may ask Mr. Dictator to have something done about the intruders (commonly tickle and/or tackle said hallucination).
Food and drink are encouraged and considered to be part of the universe and are not hallucinations.
Random flailing motions are always allowed in the Game Universe (IE: Flail the arms while trying to get particularly annoying hallucinations to go away).
Penance
After the accumulation of 3 strikes (penance points), the Game Universe will discuss (using proper speech) a suitable action of penance of an embarrassing nature. Additional strikes will result in additional acts of penance of increasing levels of embarrassment.
If a chosen punishment is deemed too uncomfortable by the offending player, they may use their Golden Parachute and request another punishment.
Closing the Game Universe
When the population of the Game Universe reaches a state in which all but two of its number possess three or more strikes the Game may be brought to an end. The Game Universe may also be temporarily suspended. The Gamemaster will read the closing stanza from “The Hunting of the Snark”:
In the midst of the word he was trying to say
In the midst of his laughter and glee
He had softly and suddenly vanished away
For the Snark was a Boojum, you see.
This will realign the forces of the Game Universe and result in a cataclysmic event known as “Sine Die”.
However, this should not be done in haste for ending the game will cause the Game Universe to collapse upon itself and the players will disappear from the Game Universe and emerge in the outside universe inhabited by the afore mentioned hallucinations or poltergeists.